


the most ridiculous argument to have ever happened in the history of mankind

by sybris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Both of them, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, all of them fucking dorks, tehy're both fucking dorks, the word fuck precariously used every sentence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sybris/pseuds/sybris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi gets home after a long day of work so something he hoped he'd never hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the most ridiculous argument to have ever happened in the history of mankind

It wasn’t necessarily Eren that was the problem.

It was Eren’s taste in fucking movies.

Now, don’t get Levi wrong, he loved the man to bits, but  _this… this_ he simply  _couldn’t_ stand for.

It all started on a Friday night when he managed to get off work early. He was tired, the day was long, and he just wanted to eat whatever take out Eren had got was left and watch movies until the end of time.

But, obviously, the universe didn’t work that way.

He was a little more than surprised when he came home to a sound he loathed emanating from the living room; he felt confused and shocked, but most of all, he felt betrayed. The sound made him stop dead in his tracks, keys clutched tightly in his hand, inches away from the key bowl on the table, one shoe off and the other almost there, bag halfway over his head.

That sound was one he hoped he’d never hear again.

It was a goddamn  _Barbie_ movie.

He’d recognise that stupid, overly excited voice anywhere. It wasn’t like the silk ones he usually heard; it wasn’t like the sultry voice of his beloved favourite character.

It was like a switch had flipped in his brain. He threw his keys down, threw his other shoe off, threw off his messenger back, his coat, and for once in his goddamn neat-freak life he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about neatness. He just had to get that fucking tramp off his TV.

A bubble of bile built in his throat as he stomped down the hallway in every literal sense; he honestly felt like throwing up just  _hearing_ that voice. He probably  _would_  when he saw that stupid face of hers.

There were sounds of shuffling coming from the living room, a string of mumbled curses mixed in with the noise, the telltale click of a remote strong in his eardrums. He turned the corner and…

There was Eren, his face red with embarrassment, head whipped around to face the hallway. His blush reached his ears, coloured his neck, his mouth hung open in shock. Levi stopped. Took a deep breath in through the nose. Contorted his face into one of utter disgust.

“You get that fucking filth off my TV before I fucking break the DVD.”

Eren was surprisingly quick to react; his hands shot up, outstretched in front of him, almost as though he was  _protecting_ the DVD. How  _could_ he? The man he loved, protecting that fucking hoe.

“Wait, Levi, I promise it’s not porn!”

“I know it’s not porn. It’s  _worse_ than porn. You either watch Bratz or you get the fuck out of the apartment.”

Eren seemed shocked at that. “Wait…” He gasped, looking so offended you’d think he just insulted his mother. “You watch  _Bratz?_ What kind of  _feral creature_ are you?!”

Levi was taken aback. “Excuse me,  _Bratz_ is terrible?! You’re watching fucking  _Barbie!_ That’s, like, ten times  _worse_ than anything in the entire world!”

“What the fuck? What the  _fuck?_ Barbie is the fucking bomb, you dirty dustpan!”

“I’m sorry,  _what?_ If Barbie’s the bomb, Bratz is the fucking missile!”

“ _What?! How fucking stupid can you be?”_ Eren’s voice had risen to a screech. Levi’s wasn’t far behind.

“Barbie fucking sucks! It’s all the same! At least Bratz is fucking  _original_ with every movie and game! Like, have you  _seen_ Genie Magic?  _Have you fucking played Rock Angelz?!”_

“ _What the everloving fuck?! Bratz dolls are made of fucking recycled Barbie parts! They’re a fucked up version of fucking Barbie!”_

“At least  _Bratz have varying clothing styles!”_

“Oh yeah?! Well, at least  _Barbie has a fucking heart!_ ”

Levi physically and audibly gasped. Eren became a little more smug than before. Levi put a hand to his heart, taking a step back, his face going from disgust to pain. “You…” his lips drew back into a scowl. “You did  _not just fucking say that.”_

“Oh, yeah I fucking did.”

Levi’s fists clenched. His nails dug into the palms of his hands, his jaw clenched so tightly he was vaguely afraid something would break.

“Get… get the  _fuck_ out of my apartment. Right this fucking second.”

Eren humfed. He turned his chin up, stood from the couch, and went down the hall to the front door. Levi inhaled.

“And if I see you here for the next few days so help me God I will sew your mouth shut in your sleep.” Eren took that as his cue to leave. No matter how stubborn he was, he knew an angry Levi was  _not_ a good Levi.

* * *

 

“-can you believe he had the fucking  _nerve_ to say that Barbie isn’t original?! Like, what the fuck! Barbie is the most original doll to have ever scathed the Earth!”

Carla Jaeger was having a lot of trouble holding in her laugh. Her son, Eren, had stormed into her house full of anger and frustration.

She really hadn’t expected that he would have an argument with his boyfriend over something as petty as…  _this._

What was funnier was that when he stormed into the house and begun ranting, Carla had been on the phone with Levi’s mother.

And she’d probably heard the entire thing.

Carla put her hand over Eren’s fist. “Listen, honey,” she began, voice tainted with heavy amusement, a few giggles slipping through, “Sometimes, you two aren’t going to agree. It’s impossible for someone to agree on everything. But that doesn’t mean you should let something as silly as this ruin your relationship.”

She took a deep breath. “You two love each other very much; anyone could see it, clear as day. But you two need to learn to accept each other’s differences, even if you don’t agree with them in the slightest.”

Eren’s jaw slackened a little bit; that was enough for her. She clapped her hands together, making him jump. “Now! You march back there, and you tell him you’re sorry, and if it helps, tell him everything I just told you.”

His chin dipped the tiniest bit in affirmation. His mother always gave the best advice, and she was always right. So, he’d try.

* * *

 

“-I can’t believe he said that Barbie had a heart and I didn’t! Like, what the fuck?! Just because I’m incapable of showing emotion doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings!”

Mrs. Ackerman was finding it very, very hard not to laugh right now. She’d heard her son, Levi’s, boyfriend say something very, very similar just moments before.

She’d anticipated the phone call from Levi to come the minute she hung up on Carla. She’d anticipated everything Levi would say.

She didn’t, however, anticipate it to be so goddamn  _funny._

She couldn’t hold it in anymore; still on the phone with Levi, Mrs. Ackerman began to laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

It made Levi a lot angrier, but she knew he was used to it by now.

“Levi, Levi, sweetheart,” she managed between laughs. “You’re missing the big picture: couples aren’t always going to agree on everything. It’s impossible. It’ll never, ever happen. Your father and I used to argue all the time. Hell,  _we_ used to argue all the time! But you need to remember that that never, ever,  _ever_ ruined our relationship. We still loved each other as much as you and Eren do. And nothing should ever change that.”

She heard Levi sigh on the other end of the line. “… Okay. I s’ppose you’re right. I’ll call him and tell him I’m sorry.”

Mrs. Ackerman smiled. “Don’t worry, the call isn’t needed.”

* * *

 

Levi could’ve sworn his mother was a mind reader because the second he hung up on her, he could hear the sound of the door opening.

He decided to test his luck. “Eren…?” he called tentatively.

Eren turned the corner, looking vaguely guilty but still all around angry. He took a deep breath in.

“Listen, I’m still pissed at you, and I’m sure you’re still pissed at me, but I spoke to my mother and she gave me some really good advice. I’m really sorry for saying you have no heart, and I’m sorry for insulting Bratz…”

Levi smiled a little. “I’m sorry, too. It was wrong of me to say what I said about something you love.”

They both simultaneously sighed in relief; Eren moved around the island bench that Levi was leaning over, arms spread wide. Levi himself put his cup of tea down, spreading his own arms and wrapping them around Eren’s torso, Eren’s arms wrapping around his shoulders.

They stayed like that for a while, content on showing each other their collective remorse and affection for each other. They breathed each other’s scent in, the smell of autumn leaves and berries tickling Levi’s nose, the aroma of mint and dark chocolate flooding Eren’s.

Levi inhaled deeply. “For what it’s worth, I do call you ‘brat’ because of how much I love Bratz.”

There was a few seconds of silence. Eren’s mouth dropped open in apparent disgust.

“I fucking  _knew_ it!”

**Author's Note:**

> my [tumblr](http://pedoseidon.tumblr.com)


End file.
